Phytomer, I heart you!

The stress of rearranging my life after the break-up was mostly visible on my face and neck. I broke out the worse way ever (and that is bad knowin that I have been battling acne most of my late teens and adult life!!) Not only did I look some kind of horrible (honestly if I passed myself on the street I would have sworn I was a junky) it hurt like heylll too!

Sonja, my beautician, who has been doing my brows for the longest time, decided to confront my bad skin and made an appointment with me to clean my pores and put me on facial products that she sweared by. Now I love Sonja caus the woman is a artist with tweezers, she makes you look like you had a mini facelift by just doing the brows, but I just didn't think that anyone could help me ( I am a regular at the dermatoligist and he can't even help me!). My father seeing all the pain (mentally and physically) I was in due to the acne, gave me money to confront my bad skin. I made an appointment with Sonja and she really really really hurt me I was preparing myself to look in the mirror after the treatment and see all kinds of haematoma, wholes and what nots. After 40 min of extreme pain (no itching tho wich is new caus I always break out in a rash from over the counter products) I got up looked in the mirror and was amazed that my face looked much calmer, cleaner and most of the comedones had disappeared, my face felt soft and best of all it wasn't painful or swollen anymore!!! Sonja send me home with a few testers of the products that she used on me and told me to stop using other products and just stick to this line at least till the tester pots where empty.

I was amazed at the result but the pessimist in me told me just wait till you get up in the morning you will have the worse break out ever. I washed my face with the facewash, used the cream and blemishgel and went to bed expecting the worse. Next morning my face had cleared up even more and even the blemishes where fading! I used the line religiously till the testerpots where empty and ran to Sonja to buy the products. I have been using these products for about 2 months now and my face is looking better each day. Sonja promised me that she would help me to get rid of my acne once and for all and it looks like she is keepin her promise.

To help my skin, I try to drink as much mineral water as possible, don't skip my night- and morning routine and try not to touch my face as much.

These are the products I use:

My next appointment with Sonja is in 2 weeks and she sceduled me in for a few make-up lessons as well caus I am in my 30's but have no make-up sense whatsoever! I have to admit that I never liked to see women or girls with acne wearing make-up it just looked like a very bad cover up. I was also afraid that using make-up would just irritate my skin even more. The other thing that made me insecure are my features I am a black girl with green/grey chinese-shaped eyes and I just can't find any tutorials on how to deal with that!!! Hope Sonja will help sort out that insecurity as well!

Love,

Chayil

Locs no more!

A few weeks after the break-up I sat on the couch and just decided to take down my locs and give myself a haircut (note to self never do that again!!!) my hair went from waistlength locs to shoulderlength naps (in some places others shorter caus I can't cut hair). My locs where somehow connected to my ex, he was there when I made the decision to loc, he washed them for me whenever I was not able too, played in them before going to sleep. I guess you can say that his vibez where just left inside every babyloc. Maybe a part of taking them down also had to do with change, somehow women feel the need to change their appearence after a break-up. Another reason for taking them down was the fact that I miss grandmother to the extreme, I know that she loves me no matter what but the fact that I was locing my hair was a bit frowned apon by her. My grandmother is ready to let go of this earthly world and somehow this seems like a tribute to the woman that thought me so much and that helped me to grow into the strong woman I am simply by being able to follow the example she sat. I will loc again that is the only thing that is certain when and how are still Q's to be answered.

Now that I am a loose nap again the whole dealin with my nappy hair issue is back *sigh* I catch myself still hiding behind my headwrap and want to be able to take it off and just walk outside but the threshold is too high. Going outside without my headwrap is like screaming to the world I am single!!! and giving men around me "permission" to approach when I am in no way ready to be approached! I need to get over that fear and just take it off and deal with the reality that men will approach but I am in control and have every right to say no politely.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. ~Author Unknown

How can I control my life when I can't control my hair? ~Author Unknown

Love, light and blessings,

Chayil

Bringing sexy back! CHALLENGE

Lost a lot gained a little, pounds that is. I reached my target goal a few months ago sadly neglected myself (once again) and gained back about 8 pounds, my BMI is still healthy but the pounds cling to my belly and upper arms and thights so I am going to target them and eliminate them once and for all! The goal for me is to tone my body not to get skinny I would love do some excersises that will help me to get a lil booty. As you can see this black girl has no booty whatsoever!
I took some pictures to document the progress but they are extremely blurry (no that camera saffy yet I'm afraid) I will try take take some new ones but these will have to do for now!

I haven't set a date to reach my goal but I think 2 pounds a week should be do-able so hmm let's say sexy should be back around the 22nd of September? Who's in for a challenge? Come on ladies join me in bringing sexy back!



I went jogging yesterday and it was wonderful! It wasn't only a milestone that I left the house to jog it was also the first time that my eldest babysat for me. All went well the lil one was already asleep when I left and he didn't wake up in between. I am so proud of my sons they are developing into wonderful responsible lil men and I know they will make wonderful husbands for lucky ladies in the future! My jogging buddy/sista-friend/babysitter was on fire! She has been jogging 3x a week for the last 2 months and you can definately see the progress not just in her looks but the girl has stamina!!!! I speedwalked most of the way but she kept a fabulous pace all the while!! D-tje I am so proud of you love ya to bits momma!!!

Next week I will start swimming one or 2 mornings a week. My lil one his school is near the swimmingpool and it is the only sport I can do without having to take a gym membership. A) can't afford one B) everytime I get sick I have to provide the gym with a doctors note in order not to pay!!! yes it is against the law but still it is procedure for every gym in the Netherlands!!!!

Ok blogging friends I am going to start doing some housework!

Might be back later!

Love, blessings, light,
Chayil

What I have been up to lately.

Good morning beautiful blogging girlfriends! First of all thanks for all the heartfelt messages I will be by this week to thank you all in person.

My sons where gone for the summer my father took them to stay in Suriname and they had a wonderful time. They came back recharged and since they are back they seem much better adapted to life without a father. Their father contacted them once since he left wich is almost 6 months ago. He is refusing to pay alimony eventhough we had already agreed to an amount. I've decided to just let things go and not pursue the money for the time being. I think my sanity and nerves are more important than the money, wich does mean that we are living off of very very little but we are managing. My youngest started elementary school last week and is enjoying every bit of it. My eldest has just left for the first day of high school (? no idea if that is what atheneum is called in the USA help me out here lol).

I haven't taken the best care of myself, my diet is poor and taking care of myself has been put on the back burner for way to long! This blog has always inspired me to life my life to the best of my ability so I hope blogging will help me get back on track. I haven't been on a scale for while but I will go as soon as my monthly lady friend is gone ;-)

Yesterday I signed a contract with myself and my babysitter/jogging buddy/sista friend will co-sign it on thursday when we start jogging again. The contract is one of sensual celibacy , basicly an agreement to stay celibate for at least 6 months, and in the meantime spend time energy and love on Self. I was extremely excited to sign it LOL Just the idea of having to get to know a man in that way and having to give myself in that way is exhausting!! Male attention is driving me up the wall, sure it is flattering but I feel like there is this big ole target on my forhead or some kind of scent that makes men smell from a distant that I am "available" (insert smiley with eyes rolling). I also wonder what the heck men see in me right now caus I am a right mess! Don't know if I would even wanna date someone that is attracted to me in this state! Ha!

The prospect of dating again does excite me I will not lie but I feel that I need to deal with some issues of Self and Home before doing that. I do not want to bring hang ups of a former relationship on a date, nor do I want to be worrying about home, finances and all of that while having dinner with a nice man.

My father, brother and I just started setting up a family business in Suriname importing orchids from Thailand and bringing them to flower to sell them in Suriname. It is starting to take great form the first shipment will arrive in Suriname by the end of this week. Soon as that takes off (meaning that there is enough profit to earn my living) I will go to Suriname for at least a year to set up a flowershop. I hope and pray that my grandmother will still be among us by that time but I also know that she is in pain and I know that she is longing to be reunited with my grandfather and her siblings.

Ok bloggerfriends, the lil man is home ill so I am going to cuddle with him and do some housework after.

Love, light and blessings,
Chayil

Lesson Learned!

A New era

These last weeks I've been running around organizing a babyshower for my sis-in-law (it was great fun we had a high tea sil had a great time and was extremely delighted), preparing for the arrival of my parents (next weekend) and inlisting our sons in new schools. The eldest will be finished with elementery school in June and will be attending grammer school as of next schoolyear. The mere thought of it makes my stomach act "rollercoastery" my baby will go to school all alone on his bike and he will not need me anymore (I know that is dramatic but it is how I feel!)
I still remember the first day of kindergarden his hand squeezing my sweaty palms, we enter the school gates and he let's go of my hand and runs off to play on the swings and I stand there lost wondering how I will survive walking out of the schoolgates and attending work as if I did not just dropped my son off with total strangers. I can assure you that that was one of the longest days in my life, I wanted the schoolday to end so I could pick him up from school and pretend I never left him. When I picked him up he was full of stories and was extremely exited about the whole first-day-of-school experience, I was exausted from worries of what might have gone wrong. Now that we are entering a new fase I feel the same, sweaty palms, "rollercoastery" stomach and an uneasy feeling scared of what lies ahead. My son on the other hand is exited and totally ready for this new fase.

As if having to send my eldest off to grammer school wasn't enough I also have send my baby ehum pre-schooler to elementary school in April of this year.We found a new school for him because we weren't really satisfied with my eldest his school, the tour from the new school was wonderful, they have swimminglessons, musiclessons, a daycare where the lil ones can rest if school is a bit too much, artlessons and the school has separated grades 0 to 3 from grades 4 to 8 so the little ones won't feel quite as small.

When my youngest was born I promised myself that once he would go to elementary school I would start taking classes at the university, I feel extremely unprepared because I still don't know what study I would like to do! 4 years passed so quickly it feels like yesterday that he was born prematurely needing to be fed every hour even at nighttime. The time flies when raising babies, all the worries about teething, solid foods, first steps, vaccinations, pottytraining and bedtime rituals seem like a triviality compared to the new worries about sex-ed, playing truant,drugs and peer pressure. I trust that the Lord will guide our family in this new era, but like every mother in nature I am appropriately apprehensive about sending my babies into the a new world on their own.

II Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Blessings,
Chayil

Pickled cucumber and red onions

1 cucumber
1 red onion
1 Scotch Bonnet (make a small batch without this for the kids!)
100 ml water
100 ml vinegar (white)
A few grains of Chinese sugar (this is like a sweetener be careful it is very sweet and needs to be added grain by grain to be able to control the sweetness You may substitute with 2 tablespoons of sugar)
1 tsp whole dried allspice berries
5 cloves
pinch of salt
pinch of black pepper
optional pinch of ajinomoto *

Cut cucumber lengthwise de-seed and cut in slices about 1,5 inch thick, cut red onion in rings, cut pepper in half de-seed. Put water and vinegar in a bowl and add sugar, dried allspice berries, cloves, adjinomoto, salt, black pepper stir well and add cucumber and red onion. Make day before so all the flavors have infused.

I keep empty pickle jars and wash them well with hot water and vinegar and use this to store. This can be kept for quite some time just make sure that you only use a CLEAN PLASTIC spoon or fork to take them out of the jar or it will "curdle"!

*Ajinomoto is a Japanese brand name for MSG, monosodium glutamate, a flavor enhancer. Ac'cent is the primary U.S. brand name, and the Chinese version is called ve-tsin. Please be careful using this too much can cause heart failure if you are cooking for elderly or children under the age of 5 who have never had this in their diet DO NOT USE!!