Mad!

Sometimes knowing that there is someone out there with the same despair, anguish and anger can be all the consolation a person needs. This poem by a lady named Michelle describes my feelings, pain, sadness and anger. Understanding her provides me consolation and consolation brings me hope. I may not know her but I do pray for her and all the other mothers that are in despair, scared for the future and hurting in the present.

Mad
I am mad, so mad, that this disease is taking my life away from me and my kids!

I am mad that I can't work a job that I love,

I am mad that I can't play sports with my kids anymore,

I am mad that it hurts to stand and cook (one of my joys in life),

I am mad that I have to cancel so many plans we make because I am sick again,

I am mad that I don't look the same as I did a year ago,

I am mad that people I run into don't even recognize me after knowing them for years,

I am mad that I have to have help with my house and my yard,

I am mad that I can't run the simplest errands,

I am mad that I have to have these darn blood tests all the time,

I am mad that the meds are not working,

I am mad that I am in worse shape now with meds than I was when we started,

I am mad that I have to take pain meds to just make it through the day,

I am mad that I have to put my family in danger when I drive on the meds,

I am mad that I am dealing with this alone (no spouse),

I am mad that I can't bowl anymore,

I am mad that I can't paint my kitchen that needs it so badly,

I am mad that I can't get my oven clean enough because I can't bend over or be on my knees that long,

I am mad that I can not wrestle with my little God child who doesn't understand why Auntie Shell is sick and he can't always come over,

I am just plain mad,

mad at myself,

mad at my emotional state,

mad at my physical state,

just plain mad!!!

Michelle, written during a time of despair. The words might have been a little different, but the feelings expressed have been felt by us all at one time or another.copyright (c) March 1999